Something Out of Nothing
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I am sitting here staring at this blank page, WANTING to write something. Nothing. I look over at the “Categories” column and the the word ‘inspiration’ that I put there at some time or another. That’s it. That’s what I feel like I don’t have. Not that I am really complaining, it’s just that I only truly feel inspired to write when I am distraught over something – anything really. Why is this? Why can’t I WANT to write about the good times, the light-hearted, happy-go-lucky times? Their banality is overwhelming. Who the hell cares?
It’s this ironic? I’m willing to bet that a large majority of us are tired of reading the same old complaining, irritable blogs – yet the only thing we write on is that which attempts to incite some pathos or another.
When my day goes without a major hitch I avoid my blog. I don’t want to face it because in someway I have not experienced some blog worthy, traumatic, or contemplative event. If I’m not distraught about something, how the hell can I write anything meaningful? <–How can I think this? Whats wrong with the pleasant, day to day experiences? If you think it’s their frequent appearance that makes me shy away from them, think again. More often then not I can – FIND – something to complain about. [This search is not a conscious, purposeful endeavor yet I inevitably find something nonetheless.]
It is as if my nature is a brooder – a melancholy dweller on the trivial - and I can not accept the persona of someone who can just BE. It’s the ’Oh wait, I happen to be in a good mood? Give me a second and I will come up with something that is bugging me’ idea. How pathetic.
Hmmm, sounds like the nightly news to me? Good news is no news? Lol!
I suppose ;-)
Although one has to wonder – What if everyday was a good one? Would there be ANY news?
Thanks for the response Michael
Just a thought: when you are happy, things are going well, are you challenged to think? Because when things are NOT going well, problems ‘pop up’, you do need to think up a solution….
Could it be that engaging the brain in problem-solving is what kicks off the whole imagination thing, and does it on more streams that just that one solution?
Alternately, this could be serotnin related…when we are ‘down’, our serotonin is low, we need to ‘brood’ – and that does not happen when we are happy. Perhaps ‘imagination’ needs low serotonin to be triggered….after all, many of the really great writers and artists seemed to be most creative when (judging by their behaviour) their serotonin was practically non-existent…
I wonder…
When I was a kid I used to struggle with weight issues. Okay lets be honest here, I was overweight and while I am currently a little on the thin side, the weight ISSUES never really go away. Back when I was overweight I was constantly at war between who I was presenting myself as on the outside and who I felt I was on the inside. To cope with this inner struggle I often turned to reading and writing. The former allowed me to escape into another’s world and the later allowed me to access who I was BENEATH my appearance. Back then I always had something or other to write about because I was always seeking some sort of solace through words. Words that were blind, words that could have come from anyone.
If writing for me has a cathartic effect, I don’t seem to be able to write if I don’t feel the need to release an inner tension.
I think your hitting on something, Xan, when you point to the ‘problem-solving’ aspect of the imagination. What is there to write about if there isn’t a current problem that needs to be solved. Plus the need to solve, to find an answer does seem to bleed into other avenues when activated. [Ex: I have nothing to write all week and suddenly I write 3 posts in one day on different things.]
Oh and my serotonin(sp) levels? I manipulated them so much in my past that I can’t even imagine how they function at present. (On and off like a light switch I would imagine..lol or maybe that’s just a Gemini for you ;-)
Serotonin is a funny thing…
Serotonin deficiency may cause one or many of: depression, food-craving – especially sugar or carbs, insomnia, migranes, it accentuates pain (you actually feel more pain for same stimulus when your serotonin is low) and it is also linked to increased susceptibility to addictions (both chemical and behavioural – and much harder time to break out of them)…and probably a few other things I cannot think of righ now.
I’ve suffered both migranes and insomnia since I was a kid….and when I take meds to help it, I am unable to write anything even remotely creative (though I rock at bureaucratereese), cannot paint, and even photos I take look mundane….
The following statement is not based on anything even remotely scientific:
I have always had this sneaking suspicion that I am one of those people who would probably benefit in some way from taking an antidepressant. However, I have always had this theory that antidepressants would somehow ‘turn-off’ a part of me – perhaps the main part.
Where does that leave me? Wallowing in my consciousness part of the time and the rest of the time forgetting why I wallowed. Hmm…damned if you do and damned if you don’t ;-)
Thank you again Xan for your posts. For some reason they always make me smile…and think…
Thank you!
I do warn caution when using ‘antidepressants’: most drugs in this category take 3 months to ‘kick in’ – and 3 months to leave your system! If you are functional, stay away.
However, there are other drugs that affect serotonin, which are not called ‘antidepressants’, and which are out of your system within 12 hours of taking them. Usually, you need to look for them under insomnia or migrane meds…even ADD meds (specifically, Dexedrine).
I compared the chemistry on my meds to the ‘antidepressants’ out there… They DO work on the serotonin (mine are serotonin re-uptake inhibitors: they slow down the natural re-absorption of serotonin, so there is more of it kicking about). If you find you are becoming non-functional, talk to your MD about this class of meds. (And Dexedrine IS recognize (in my jurisdiction) as a drug prescribed to prevent really frequent migranes.)
That way, you can only take them when you really need them. You can be yourself the rest of the time.
And, by the way, the ‘obsession with ideas’ you described in an earlier post – that IS something I get before my insomnia attacks…. Could be different, I’m not an MD, it just struck me how I ‘felt’ what you described!